Atonement
by Pearlynn
Summary: He has a lot to make up for, and it all starts with her. Kallura angst with mature content.


_Disclaimer: I do not own Voltron: Legendary Defender._

 _ **A/N** This is being written because I am angry. I'm still very bitter about Keith's portrayal this season and the fact that ROMELLE IS FREAKING RIGHT ABOUT EVERYONE JUST MOVING ON SO QUICKLY. Also, power of friendship doesn't save everything. Fuck that. Here's Keith atoning for being an asshole and Allura being rightfully angry about it for more than 5 minutes._

* * *

She came to him first, three days after the battle with Sendak's forces and the mecha that fell from the sky. Her eyes were red, and her hands were in tight fists as she pushed through the threshold of his door and closed it behind her. That night, she tore her hands into his chest as she bit his lower lip, growling her anger down his throat as often as she sighed with desire.

The second time she came to him, it was after the Altean was discovered in the debris of the mysterious mecha. Her hair was still in a bun, but looser this time - as if she anticipated this - and she was kissing him hard before the door was even closed.

"I'm so frustrated with you," she said as she tugged the collar of his shirt and ground her hips down against his. In between her ravenous kisses, she kept hissing, "You don't understand. You _left_ us."

He bit her lip and her neck as he replied just as angrily, "There was no place for me. You made that clear when you ran straight into Lotor's arms."

She left that night crying and covering up the bite mark he left on her shoulder.

The third time, he came to her, right after a particularly tiring meeting between Shiro, himself, Sam, and Commander Iverson. Sam suggested that the Atlas could handle protecting Earth if Voltron wanted to go finish the fight with the Galra. Keith fought and said the paladins had just reunited with their families. He couldn't tear them apart again.

Allura silently accepted him with open arms and let him release his frustrations with these unlucky coincidences into her body. She came with tears in her eyes while on her hands and knees across his lap.

The fourth time, well Keith counted it even though it didn't really count. Allura came to him, but this time she only yelled. About _everything._ And he took it. Her anger with him, finally vocalized with a clear mind after all this time it's been out on the table, her sadness and the emptiness that shrouded her when she thought about him not coming home to his family. How he left so quickly and willingly, how he _abandoned_ them when they needed him and his leadership the most.

How she thought about him when Lance kissed her the night before.

Keith tried to ignore the burning pain in his chest at her last remark, and instead let her cry out her pain right above where his festered. Her tears nearly soothed him like a balm.

Nearly.

He tried to ignore the feeling in his stomach when he thought of her, how he wished his hands could hold her instead of hurt her. but it seemed like no matter how hard he tired, all he did was push her away.

James of all people noticed their... strange predicament and decided to say something about it when Keith had lost himself in watching her leave the hangar with Lance.

"Look, you have to stop moping around, Kogane. You're driving us all nuts."

Keith scowled at him and fought the urge to deck him like he did all those years ago. "It's none of your business, Griffin. Stay out of it."

When James gave him the finger and told him to go tell her the truth, Keith stewed in frustration for the rest of the day.

Pidge came to him that night, crying.

"I saw them together..."

He let her into his room and brushed her hair back as she cried onto his shoulder. If she noticed his tears falling onto her head, she didn't say anything. He was grateful for her understanding. After all, they were in the same boat now.

Two weeks later, Allura met him in the hangar while he was checking up on the Black Lion. She didn't look like someone who was being kissed on rooftops while watching the sunset or having her hand held as she gazed upon the stars like she deserved.

"Do you love him?"

She had the nerve to flinch.

"No. I don't."

He didn't let her see the relief in his hidden smile.

"Can I see you tonight?"

He wiped his hands on a stained rag and nodded his head. As quickly as she came, she left him alone once more.

The fifth time she arrived at his door, her hair was down for the first time in years. He remembered seeing her, framed in the stars, as she lamented their circumstances because of her overly trusting nature of Alteans. Now, she was dressed in the casual clothes of his home world, hair cascading over her shoulders, and eyes defeated. That was the only thing that had truly remained the same.

When she walked in silently, head bowed as she made her way to the desk against the wall and leaned against the chair. Her arms folded over her chest and he noticed she was waiting. Waiting for him to speak first.

"What did you want to talk about?"

That opened the floodgate. Her eyes snapped up to his and the anger that had been there weeks ago resurfaced, just as hot and raging as it had been back then. Something must have happened to make her snap like this again. "Why did you say those things to me about my father? You know how important he is to me, how much of his legacy means to Voltron, and you went and spit on his memory like he was some sort of coward! How dare you think yourself better when you had fled yourself?"

Keith bowed his head and tried not to fight back. "I said a lot of things I didn't mean-"

"It doesn't matter if you meant it or not," she shouted, voice breaking in her frustration. "You said it regardless. Out of all the paladins, I thought you would have known the most that saying that would have upset me. You deliberately hurt me! Why? To push me away before I did it to you?"

He bristled at her repeating the words he said himself back in his video log, but he let her continue to dish out her anger.

"I don't know why you think you're so hard to love, why you have to stay alone. We all care about you, but when you say those things it makes us wonder why we even try. I thought you had matured in your time away, but all it did was amplify the undesirable traits you already possessed."

Keith tried not to snap at her. That would just prove her right and all he wanted to do was wipe away her angry tears and kiss away her frown.

"I'm sorry."

Her eyes flashed with even more rage and she cried, "That's all you have to say?! _'I'm sorry?!'_ Why do you think that's going to change anything?"

He dropped his eyes to the floor again and fought his own tears. The self-destruction was crippling his ability to remain calm and keep her at an arm's distance. She kept getting under his skin, worming her way into his heart and proving that there was some part of him that was worthy of someone's love. He was continuously being proved wrong in that aspect by his entire team, and she was right here doing it again.

"I was afraid," he stated quietly, causing her to still and stare at him with widened eyes. "Even after all this time, I feel like an outsider looking in."

"It wouldn't feel that way if you hadn't left," she retorted just as quietly.

The burn in his eyes grew almost intolerable. "I know. But there was no room for me. What was I going to do?"

"Lead Voltron."

"What about Shiro?"

Allura sighed and moved her gaze to his window. "He was fine staying in the Castle of Lions and coordinating the coalition. Try another excuse. I'll have an answer for every single one. I had plenty of time while you were gone to figure them out."

He knew she was right. He also had every excuse and possible answer planned out in his head. He had plenty of time to think as guilt and regret plagued him while he was away. Mostly of what a poor leader he was, or of how he ran just when things got a little tough. How he always did. How they all said they were proud of him, but their comments when they were stranded in space revealed how they all truly felt.

How it was the exact same thoughts that burrowed holes in his mind and heart for the entire time he was away.

"I'm out of excuses."

"Are you going to apologize to everyone about it, then?"

His fists shook and he squeezed his eyes shut, but he nodded.

The next day, he sought out each of the paladins, starting with Pidge. He apologized for leaving, for the things he said when they were stranded, for pushing them away. She was understanding and wrapped her arms around his waist in a short hug. Hunk's hug was tight enough to pop at least three bones in his back, while Shiro simply wrapped his good arm around Keith's shoulder and told him that being a good leader means admitting mistakes and absolving from them.

Lance, however, was silent the entire time Keith spoke, his face carefully blank.

After Keith finished his spiel, Lance sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. It was then that Keith realized that Lance looked absolutely exhausted and he was starting to grow some stubble on his chin.

"You know, I've always had your back," he started as he looked to the hand on the table that was starting to pluck at the grains of wood. "It may not seem that way, but as soon as the Black Lion chose you as her new paladin, I decided to let go of that stupid rivalry we had and be your right hand. You proved to be a good leader once you worked out the kinks... but then you left. You just up and decided we weren't enough. That hurt, man."

Keith felt that depreciation of worth crumble in his stomach and he dropped his head. "I know. I screwed up. But at the time I felt that there wasn't a place for me on the team anymore. Shiro was always a better leader, and even when we thought that was still him, he did a better job of keeping you guys focused and in line. He still would now. I'm not the leader nor the man you all want me to be. I never will."

"Keith."

He lifted his head and saw Lance was smiling softly, an expression Keith rarely saw as of late.

"You already are," Lance commented in that same soft voice. For some reason, this time it didn't grate on Keith's nerves. "By coming here and admitting your faults and trying to atone for them, you're more of a leader than me, or Shiro, or even Allura could ever hope to be. We all have some things to work on, but you're one step ahead of us by apologizing for what you said when you were space mad."

Lance paused, his brow furrowing in thought, and he added, "The most honest people are children, someone who's drunk, and someone who's mad."

Keith couldn't stop himself from chuckling as he replied, "I guess what everyone said had a kernel of truth."

Lance shrugged and said, "Then I think everyone has some explaining to do. And you can start by calling a meeting, team leader."

That night, everyone met in the lion hangar. Keith sighed, then looked to Shiro. Always _his_ leader despite his promotion to Atlas. When Shiro nodded in encouragement, Keith took a deep breath and began, "Although Earth is safe, we still have a lot of work to do. Haggar is still out there, and she probably sent the mecha that almost took us out."

He met the eyes of his fellow paladins, ending with Allura's cool gaze. It reminded him of her treatment to him when they all found out he was part Galra. His shoulders pinched together with discomfort and he swallow thickly.

"It is your decision as a team as to what we do next."

"Atlas can stay on Earth and protect the coalition," Shiro supplied. Keith met his eyes and his pseudo-brother gave him a reassuring grin. "Now that we have many of the rebel forces here to help us rebuild civilizations and up our defenses, Voltron can bring the fight to Haggar and take her and the rest of the Galra Empire down once and for all."

"With Sendak out of the picture, the Galra are scrambling," Keith added, repeating what was discussed in the meeting with Sam and Iverson all those weeks ago. He felt this was the best time to bring it up to his teammates, as well as rebuilt the report they had together before he left to go with the Marmora. "Haggar is the only real threat now, and she can't properly lead them. Take her out and we won't have to deal with the Galra anymore. But like I said, it is up to us as a team to make the decision on whether or not we want to leave Earth and face her head on or wait for her to come to us."

He paused again and sighed. This was it. "Also, if we decide to go forward as a team again, I want to start by apologizing to everyone this time. I left, which in turn changed the dynamics of the team and how the coalition was to be led. And I did it because I felt that I wasn't worthy as the leader of Voltron and a leader you all deserved. And I've learned that I can't keep running away as soon as I'm getting vulnerable or scared. I'm not familiar with the feeling, as you guys learned when we were stranded."

Hunk, Pidge, and Lance all chuckled. Allura pressed her lips together even more.

Keith tried not to let that effect his composure as he sighed and continued, "So I'm sorry for what happened and how I acted. It's not becoming of a leader to tear down his teammates, especially with things that are completely untrue. Instead of pushing you away and tearing you down, I should be keeping you close and lifting you up. I still have a lot to learn, but I want to do it with all of you guys with me."

After that and some more fluffy exchanges between the paladins, the team decided they were going to decide on a decision later down the road - Lance's words, not his. The reasoning actually made Keith's eye twitch, but he didn't want to fight with the other paladins on the matter. After all, Hunk, Pidge, and Lance just recently reunited with their families and Keith would never take that away from them. Shiro didn't have any family left on Earth - his parents disowned him before he went to the Garrison and Adam had died during the first wave of Galra attacks, so Shiro was still mourning for his lost love - and Keith had Krolia, who has already stated she would leave with them should they decided to go back to space.

Romelle was content with staying on Earth, for her only family had their life forces sucked out to power Lotor's weapons, but she wouldn't be opposed with staying with the team should they need her help. And Coran wanted to go wherever Allura went, that was settled the moment they started discussing anything. Allura, on the other hand, was awfully mum during the whole discussion and Keith still didn't know how she felt in regards to leaving to take on Haggar. Or of how she felt in regards to him atoning for his behavior before.

But he was going to find out.

Keith knocked on her door and waited. For a moment, he thought she wasn't going to answer, knowing he was on the other side. He was half-tempted to leave, especially if she was going to keep up this behavior when all he wanted to do was make things right, but he knew that he couldn't wait for her to come to him like he did when he found out he was Galra. This couldn't wait anymore.

He knocked again. "Allura, please. I know you're in there. I... I really need to talk to you."

Silence was his answer.

He waited another moment before knocking again. "Fine. If you're not going to open up and let me talk to you alone, I'll say my piece and be out of your hair until you decide what you want."

Still no answer, so he took a deep breath and pressed his forehead to the door. "I'm sorry that I said what I did about your father. I know how much he means to you, and that the statement was particularly insulting because I was wearing his armor at the time and basically saying all of that was shitting on his memory... But I wanted to let you know that I was wrong to say it, and it was wrong in general. If Alfor had kept the original paladins together to fight Zarkon, they wouldn't have been able to form Voltron. And the lions would have been taken and Zarkon would have conquered the universe already. You would likely be dead, too, and we would never have met."

He fought the tears that burned in his eyes and he inhaled unevenly. "And I have to say that when you told us that we were brought to you for a reason, I knew deep down that you were completely right. For so long, I was coasting by with no purpose. And then the Blue Lion was calling to me when I lost my way, which in turn brought me to you. Had Alfor not sent the Blue Lion here, I would never have found my purpose."

The hot wetness of tears tracked down his cheeks and he refused to wipe them away. "What I'm trying to say is... your father was probably the smartest and bravest man in the whole universe, because he kept it safe when he decided to keep you in the Castle while he faced Zarkon alone. I'm not saying you should forgive me for what I said, because it was a pretty scummy thing to do when we all were so scared and on the verge of dying in the vast expanse of space. I just wanted to let you know that I never truly think any of those bad things about Alfor. And I hope you understand where I was coming from then, and where I'm coming from now. So, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

There was still silence on the other side of the door and Keith decided it would be in his best interest to just leave, even if he wasn't finished explaining himsself. He was already shedding tears and he was sure he couldn't bear to hear her say that apology wasn't good enough. Not when he was already putting himself out on the line and risking his own emotional well-being by exposing himself like this anymore.

Right as he was about to peel himself away from her door, it opened and caused him to fall face-first onto the ground.

 _"Keith!"_

The pain of what he figured would be a broken nose blossomed in his face as he was rolled over and dragged completely into the room. Bright lights were flashing in his eyes, and he figured that was because he probably would be nursing a bruised face and ego in the morning.

Hands pried his away from his face and he blinked a few times to see a teary-eyed Allura hovering over him. He managed a weak smile before she leaned down and hugged him hard. Unfortunately, that was all she could manage before a sharp pain hit him in the nose when her shoulder brushed against it.

"Oh, quiznak, I think it may be broken," she murmured as she sat up and prodded his cheekbones and the bridge of his nose. "Why didn't you catch yourself?"

Keith shrugged and suddenly he was tasting blood. Allura helped him up and she handed him what he assumed was some tissue and he quickly stemmed the bleeding as she went and looked for some ice. He watched her go to her mini fridge near her desk and he said through the tissue, "I was distracted. Wasn't thinking straight."

Allura flashed him an unimpressed grin as she found the icepack and wrapped it in a cloth. After kneeling down and helping him press it to his face, she said, "What you said... I heard everything."

Keith lowered his eyes to his bloody shirt and he shrugged again.

"I understand why you said it."

He rose his eyes to meet hers and lowered the icepack from his face. "You do?"

She nodded and lifted it back to his nose before continuing, "I realized that I may have been putting my father on a pedestal. Every action I have taken since I woke has been to honor his legacy and continue his work. It's all I've wanted... But I realized that I may have been a little blinded by that legacy, blinded by the love I have for my father and of Altea, and it caused me to make some decisions that put us in danger. I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could have been the leader and peacekeeper that my father had been, and in return propel the universe into an era of peace, free of the Galra Empire."

Keith couldn't respond. Not quite. He wanted to let her say _her_ piece, then possibly move forward.

"Lotor exploited my desire to bring Altea back," she murmured, her voice wavering slightly. "He used me and my knowledge gained on Oriande to further his own selfish goals. In reality, I was no better than him."

"That's not true," Keith remarked, causing Allura's watery eyes to spill over with tears. He used his free hand to wipe them away as he added, "You never lied to anyone about your intentions or desires. All you wanted was to continue your father's work. You can't fault yourself for something you had no control over."

"And yet you blamed me for letting Lotor in," she accused evenly, though her face remained pensive. "Why did you say that?"

Keith sighed and removed the tissues and icepack from his face. He didn't want anything in between them - even if it did prevent him from bleeding onto his shirt. "I hated that as soon as I left, suddenly the man who was our biggest enemy for months became our greatest ally and the Galra Empire was suddenly benevolent again. I never trusted him, but I went along with it because _you_ did. And I trust _your_ judgement. He played us all, and I shouldn't have blamed _you_ solely because of it. I guess..."

He met her eyes and decided this was it. He couldn't deny it nor hide it any longer. "I guess I was a little jealous that I had been replaced so quickly after leaving. For me, I was gone for over two years. But for you guys, it had been only a few months. When I reminded myself of that fact, it hurt."

Allura's eyes widened and her mouth went slack. Comprehension flitted across her face and she blinked a few times before her cheeks turned rosy. "Well... I suppose I didn't consider that as being the reason you were upset."

Keith couldn't help but chuckle. "Really?"

She nodded and looked away. "What we've done... since the battle with Sendak... I was so frustrated with everything but I had no real outlet for my anger. You were one of the main reasons I was upset, but I couldn't put into words _why_ until we were kissing and you were clawing into me just as desperately as I was into you."

It was Keith's turn to get a little rosy-cheeked.

"I was running," she admitted quietly. "This whole time. The fate of the entire universe has been on my shoulders and it has made me scared. Being with you, it was the only thing that made sense and for some reason that scared me even more."

Keith swallowed and he feared what her answer would be. "And Lance?"

Allura sighed and her shoulders slumped. "Lance is wonderful, and he is a great friend... and everything I could ever want in a partner. But I realize that I was projecting so many of my expectations onto him, and running straight to him because he was safe and he loves me. I know I can't ever love him the way he deserves, because I won't stay on this planet forever. Making him decide between traveling the universe with me and staying here with his family is an unfair expectation. Whatever we had, it couldn't last."

Keith could barely quell his racing heart. "Are you still running now?"

Allura met his eyes and all of the uncertainty washed away. When she shook her head, Keith took that as his queue and he leaned forward to capture her lips in a soft kiss. Unfortunately for him, the tip of his nose bumped against her cheek right when their lips touched and another flare of pain hit him. He cursed under his breath when blood started dripping again, causing Allura to giggle.

"Let's get you to the infirmary to get that taken care of."

Four hours later- two spent in the healing capsule taken from Black's storage compartment - Keith was walking with Allura back to her room with no sign of facial injury in sight. The moment they reached her door, Allura kissed him square in the mouth. Her hands roamed his chest, squeezing him and massaging him before she started fumbling for the button that opened the door.

As soon as it slid open, Allura dragged him into her room and locked the door the second it was closed all the way. Keith's hands planted themselves on her hips and he pulled her closer as she carded her hands through his hair and tugged slightly at the strands.

Allura broke the kiss and murmured against his lips, "Let's do this right, okay?"

He nodded and led them to her bed, where he sat and positioned her over his lap before kissing her soundly on the lips again. The times before, they were just out of frustration and pain, finding release to cope with a situation that was undesirable and so quiznakingly frustrating. Keith knew that, Allura knew that. There was no justification to what they did then, because now when it came down to it, this was so much better since there was _reason_ to it.

Their clothes were tugged off, shed on the floor, and Allura was positioning herself over his erection and sliding down with fluid ease. She took him completely, gasping and clutching his shoulders as he filled her to the brim. Keith fought the shout that lingered in the back of his throat, instead resorting to biting into her shoulder and soothing the mark with his lips.

Allura began moving against him in a sinuous motion that made his head spin. He held himself against her, pulling her flush against his body as he kissed every inch of smooth skin he could reach. After she started getting lost in her pleasure, Keith rolled them over and caged her in with his arms as he thrust into her. She cried out softly, ending on whimpers as he pulled out, and her eyes rolled back as his pace increased with every deep thrust.

"Please, Keith- _Oh!"_

Keith bit her neck and dragged his lips down to her chest. He complied with her unspoken request and thrust harder and faster, almost stuttering out of rhythm as he drove them both towards completion. Allura came first, her walls fluttering around him as her voice broke in a keening cry. He wasn't far behind, the tightness of her warmth encasing him completely and making it almost impossible to not come that instant.

He gasped against the sweaty skin of her neck, feeling his orgasm shoot through him like a lightning bolt, and his hips stuttered as he spent himself within her. When his eyes opened, he saw Allura staring at him with a quizzical look.

"What?"

"Your eyes," she murmured as her hand stroked the side of his face. Keith barely noticed himself sliding out of her. "They turned yellow."

Keith's eyes widened and he cleared his throat. "They did?"

Allura giggled lightly before bringing him down for a soft kiss. When he pulled away, she smiled and adjusted their bodies so they were snuggling chest to chest on their sides. "I don't mind."

His eyebrow arched up. "You don't?"

She shook her head and kissed him again. She pulled away and nuzzled her face against his chest. Though she didn't give him an explanation, Keith was content with her answer. Though it would have to be something he'd want to explore later on. Preferably with her help.

* * *

 _fin._

* * *

 ** _A/N_** _Man this ended on such a sappy note. Hurray for fluffy endings!_


End file.
